Post outrageous lies about your pet

"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher) 08/11/2019 at 22:31 • Filed to: Sirmeowsalot

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I’ll start: Hammer is the only cat to have ever won the Iditarod.

HammerheadFistpunch > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:36

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I exist.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:38

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Luna has never eaten — or rolled in — poop.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:38

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Scout would never attack the air out of the window of a car.

Nibby > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:38

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my pet transcends humani ty

DarkCreamyBeer > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:39

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Hondo invented radio-telegraphy.

E90M3 > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:40

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Lucy is not allowed on the couch.

shop-teacher > HammerheadFistpunch 08/11/2019 at 22:42

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You're a pet, eh?

facw > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:43

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I’m petless at the moment, but here’s a former foster, Penny:

She will not try to murder any dog she meets...

shop-teacher > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:46

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Wait, I get it now.

My bird IS the word > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:47

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B onnie is the worst pet ever

415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°) > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:48

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Chikuwa was the first canine cast member of SNL.

Sylvie has never been mistaken for a cat

shop-teacher > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 08/11/2019 at 22:49

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Ewww

Agrajag > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:49

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Gus is fluent in 3 animal languages.

shop-teacher > DarkCreamyBeer 08/11/2019 at 22:49

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Nice work Hondo!

His Stigness > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:50

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Mufasa is actually a lion.

shop-teacher > My bird IS the word 08/11/2019 at 22:52

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Turrible.

shop-teacher > Nibby 08/11/2019 at 22:52

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They all do.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:52

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Rush is a friend to cats and small rodents, he is especially gentle with  turkeys and squirrels.

shop-teacher > 415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°) 08/11/2019 at 22:53

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That's quite an accomplishment!

Hammer is definitely bigger than Sylvie.

shop-teacher > Agrajag 08/11/2019 at 22:54

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Which ones!

shop-teacher > His Stigness 08/11/2019 at 22:54

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True facts.

shop-teacher > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 08/11/2019 at 22:55

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I think Rush and Hammer would get along famously.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:56

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I think of a cat stood it’s ground he would just want to play. When they turn tail and run it’s game on.

415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°) > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:57

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She’s only 7 mo. now, she was probably 5 mo there. She will get bigger and bulldoggy.

wafflesnfalafel > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:59

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these are the only “pets” we have currently, my wife feeds the birds/racoons/bunnies. The racoons in turn tear up our deck furniture and bash it into the side of the house at 3 AM to wake me up....

Agrajag > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 22:59

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Guinea pig, marmoset  and tribble.

promoted by the color red > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 23:01

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S akamoto-san is a factory-trained Toyota & Volvo mechanic.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 23:06

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My dog Rover exists.

Svend > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 23:12

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I had to get rid of my German Shepherd dog as I got sick and tired of coming home to find annoyed German tourists in my house wanting to go home.

Lol.

I'll see myself out. 

TheRealBicycleBuck > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 23:24

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All of my dogs are trained killers who would bite your face off if they were given a chance.

shop-teacher > TheRealBicycleBuck 08/11/2019 at 23:30

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I just got chills down my spine!

LastFirstMI is my name > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 23:31

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Clem got into USC on a rowing  scholarship. He quit the team to focus on his grades  

ITA97, now with more Jag @ opposite-lock.com > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 23:31

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Ellie has never pulled books off the shelves and eaten the corners to let you know when she thinks she’s been alone too long , and she certainly isn’t the head of household security.

Shelby has never stolen loafs of bread and hamburger buns and hidden them under pillows around the house.

fhrblig > shop-teacher 08/11/2019 at 23:49

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Sophie will reluctantly watch Broncos games with me, but she's actually a big Giants fan.

Future Heap Owner > shop-teacher 08/12/2019 at 00:03

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Ravna is a timid girl and  cautious eater who has never once been driven to the vet in haste to make her throw up something very bad for her that she happily picked up off the sidewalk

Chuckles > shop-teacher 08/12/2019 at 00:28

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Olive is an avid ultra- marathon runner.

way2blu does a rev update > shop-teacher 08/12/2019 at 01:09

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Thündër is a one-cat heavy metal band

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > shop-teacher 08/12/2019 at 02:45

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Our chickens can out think many world leaders.

Full of the sound of the Gran Fury, signifying nothing. > Agrajag 08/12/2019 at 06:43

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Are you saying that Gus doesn't speak doggo?

Full of the sound of the Gran Fury, signifying nothing. > SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media 08/12/2019 at 06:46

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I don't think that's a lie...

shop-teacher > LastFirstMI is my name 08/12/2019 at 07:05

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He looks like a rower. 

shop-teacher > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 08/12/2019 at 07:06

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In reality, that's exactly what Hammer would do.

shop-teacher > SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media 08/12/2019 at 07:07

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I can believe that.

shop-teacher > Svend 08/12/2019 at 07:09

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Bwahaha!!

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > Full of the sound of the Gran Fury, signifying nothing. 08/12/2019 at 07:09

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I never claimed ‘ all'. And, as a collective, they have the thinking power of a drunken 12 year old at a McDonalds birthday party

shop-teacher > Future Heap Owner 08/12/2019 at 07:10

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Are you sure you didn't post a picture of Scooby Doo?

shop-teacher > fhrblig 08/12/2019 at 07:10

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Ha!

shop-teacher > promoted by the color red 08/12/2019 at 07:10

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Those paws get you into some very hard to reach places!

shop-teacher > Chuckles 08/12/2019 at 07:11

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I can see that.

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > shop-teacher 08/12/2019 at 07:11

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Tazz is actually a Leopard.

shop-teacher > way2blu does a rev update 08/12/2019 at 07:11

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Noice!

shop-teacher > wafflesnfalafel 08/12/2019 at 07:12

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Ah, the elusive North American Garbage Panda.

shop-teacher > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars 08/12/2019 at 07:13

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Daawwwww!

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > shop-teacher 08/12/2019 at 07:18

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You really shouldn't!

shop-teacher > SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media 08/12/2019 at 08:03

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I mean, I wish I didn't, but ....

Full of the sound of the Gran Fury, signifying nothing. > SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media 08/12/2019 at 08:13

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The chickens or the world leaders? 

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > Full of the sound of the Gran Fury, signifying nothing. 08/12/2019 at 08:16

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Hmmmm...now I am quite unsure. 

Agrajag > Full of the sound of the Gran Fury, signifying nothing. 08/12/2019 at 08:57

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That is correct.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > wafflesnfalafel 08/15/2019 at 14:37

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Feeding raccoons and squirrels seldom ends well and is, in fact, very difficult to end at all because they extort you with damage to your deck, furniture, house, et cetera.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > fhrblig 08/15/2019 at 14:38

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Milkbone fan, more like...

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > shop-teacher 08/15/2019 at 14:40

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Fiona is the sled dog that Jack London wrote about in Call of the Wild .

Are you back in school yet? Two days of Kumbayah  for me next week, work day Friday, kiddos the following Monday.

fhrblig > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 08/15/2019 at 15:01

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She will only grudgingly eat a milk b one. I'd say she was picky, but in reality she will eat every other thing offered to her.

shop-teacher > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 08/15/2019 at 15:32

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That derg is exactly what I pictured when reading that book.

We had institute days Monday and Tuesday. Today is the first day with the kids. It was supposed to be Wednesday, but our new parking lot was not done in time, so yesterday was locker day for the kids. It was nice to get a paid day to actually work on my room for the first time ever.

Our new parking lot is an embarrassment of riches for parking spots. The old lot had barely enough spots for the whole staff. The new lot is almost twice the size.

My schedule is insane this year. I rotate in and out of different periods and grade levels and subjects constantly. I have ten different schedules. I’m overloaded for the first seven weeks, then I’m at a normal load for a while, then I’m underloaded, then I finish the year WAY overloaded.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > fhrblig 08/15/2019 at 17:42

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Just don't tell her that her legs are too short because it won't matter to her.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > wafflesnfalafel 08/15/2019 at 22:03

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People also underestimate how substantial — and strong — r accoons are.

wafflesnfalafel > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 08/15/2019 at 22:09

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T ell me about it - as “cute” as they are, I am hoping they end up as raccoon pancakes. They are basically 30lbs genius level rats with opposable thumbs. My wife’s aunt hand feeds the little demons  at her place...

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > wafflesnfalafel 08/15/2019 at 22:54

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Short barrel, .357 magnum, so you can use a .38 Special hollow point that is a much milder round, but will definitely eradicate a raccoon. And a shorter barrel — more carbine length — so more manageable in tighter spaces. And it’s old fashioned, so no AR-15 gun grabbing zealots will hate you quite as much as they would if you were exterminating raccoons with an assault rifle. And there’s always strychnine ...

JK, mostly, but it’s a serious problem and 30-lb genius rat is an apt description.